Journal #8

"Write about a moment when you became aware that you had become/were becoming an adult? How old were you? How did it make you feel? What does it mean to come of age?"

I hadn't truly felt like an adult until this last year. I think that before this year I had always liked to think I was grown-up, but now I actually think it has happened... but, who knows, maybe in 2 years or so I'll say the same thing about right now. Nevertheless, this year has made me more responsible for myself than ever before. I believe it began when I realized that if I wanted to achieve my dreams, it'd be up to me and only me, to accomplish the tasks needed to get there. Being the runt of the family with two older sisters and a brother, I've always had everyone's support, which to be honest, turns into a bad thing when trying to master total responsibility. Support is great, and I would never deny my family's love, but I really did know how much of a thick mattress I had to fall on if I ever failed. The support and that extra cushion I've felt all my life by no means is something negative in my life, it was more so turned into that by me and my mentality that I saw little need to truly mature. I graduated high school in 2007 with honors, and got accepted into various universities. I attended Cal Poly Pomona for two semesters on account that it was the closest and cheapest decision. The umbrella that my family once spread over me, in terms of discipline and transportation, left me with new responsibilities that I had to learn how to master on my own, and needless to say, that didn't turn out so good. Procrastination arose,  my attendance was lacking, and my grades plummeted. I decided to go to Citrus College for the summer instead, and passed merely one class. Semester after semester, classes were dropped or I simply couldn't get classes at all. I finally came here, to Chaffey College for the spring term of 2011, and was able to get 5 classes. I thought I was ready to handle the pressure of taking so many classes, and I wasn't. I was left at the end of the semester with only 3 passing grades, and a feeling that could only be helped if I changed my time management skills and perspectives on schooling. Over the summer I watched Good Will Hunting, and I can honestly say that no other movie has changed my own personal life as much as that one did. I started to revise the opinions I had about myself. I've always been told that I'm intelligent, but lazy- that's precisely where I started. I dug into myself and found my will to educate myself and the passion I've always had to educate others. Good Will Hunting lit the embers I had left in me; "I could do this" I keep telling myself. My friend showed me the Will Smith video shown below, and that is the life lesson I've applied with school. I do one day at a time, and I try to do it right instead of stressing out about the whole picture. As this semester has passed by, I've been getting the grades that reflect my work and effort. I was in an 8 week class that required a lot of essays and research papers, and I received the most beautiful, hard-earned "A" I've ever seen throughout my college years. I'm starting to gain confidence in myself again, and thus it's made me count on my own responsibility more and more. I am thankful for my family's support, but I've finally realized that relying on simply their support will not make me the teacher I someday I want to be; I need to be the main contributor to my future. The series of said events and my development this past semester is what's made me an adult. To me, being an adult means realizing the importance of relying on oneself, as well as the importance of others being able to rely on you.