Journal Prompt #3

"Both stories we read today deal with points of no return; is there a place that you feel you can't return to? At what point did you realize you couldn't return?"

Although I reached a "point of no return" differently than the main characters in Sandra Cisneros' "One Holy Night" and Antonio Farias' "Red Serpent Ceviche", the sense of loss was felt the same by the three of us. My point of no return arises in the sense of a lost childhood. To be honest, my point of no return seems in no way as life-changing as the main characters of the stories we read today. My experience, although somewhat depressing, may be reversed if only for a temporary amount of time.

It happened over the course of the last two summers, in addition to the fact that I turned 21 last year in September 2010. The first incident happened in June 2010 when Toy Story 3 was released. Andy, the owner of the toys in the movie, gives up his toys in the end to a young toddler girl. That scene really reached a sense of that loss for me, and of course, I teared up. The realization that I had grown up with these characters since I was barely a six-year-old, and who, were all of a sudden, moving onto a younger generation made me realize the acceptance that needed to take place on my part: that I was growing up and that the children with toys and who run around my cul-de-sac were now the children, and not me. The idea of leaving childhood behind me as a child was always so distant, but at the same time made me feel grown-up. As a young adult, it's turned into both responsibility and fear of what may come. The second incident happened this last summer, July 2011, when Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part Two came out. Having read all seven books, discussed characters with friends and going to all the movie premieres, one can't help to grow an attachment to the story, especially the characters themselves. For my generation, one can state almost certainly that we literally grew up with the main characters. Their fears were our fears, their laughs were our laughs, and the world watched and cheered for Harry as the franchise came to an end. My sadness over the end of it all, was actually not because there was no more Harry Potter, it was the idea that the real actors were going to be moving on, and so would I. I felt like the last movie was my last hurrah as child, and as a matter-of-fact, it has been. Since then I have let go of a lot of childish things and have tried adapting to a "young adult" mindset. My goals have become more mature, not to mention realistic.

The reason why I mentioned before that I feel like my point of a return is less drastic, is because I can choose to be a kid at heart at times if I'd like. I know that being a child isn't something I can obtain permanently anymore though; I can never own childhood in that proper way of being an actual 2 to 17 year old. The parallel is just that: the characters from the stories have a future that will never be the same, as do I.

Poetry Journal: "The Lost Worlds"

There is a general theme of "lost worlds" among these poems; a loss of culture, land, people, spirituality, and even food. In the poems, "Roots" and "Dust-Bowl Memory", by Jimmy Baca, there is a sense of loss through land. "Roots" deals with the loss of land, which was primarily taken away from the narrator and his family. He makes the connection between his father and a cottonwood tree, which signifies the mistreatment both have gone through, yet at the same time both will always have roots in that land. "Dust-Bowl Memory" deals with the loss of a time, both bad and good. It is a lost world that recalls an unbiased opinion of someone who appreciated the Mexican people's contribution to crops. "African Things" by Victor Hernández Cruz, deals with a lost culture; an African background. I believe that the use of the word "things" is used, because the poet doesn't know much about these "african things", but makes a good point that his grandmother does. This indicates that the lost culture can still be found within his grandmother, and the narrator craves to know more.

Diane de Anda's poem, "Abuelas", is interesting because it signifies the loss of a generation; not only is there a loss of generation, but also a loss of those stories, sayings (dichos) and life lessons. The last word, "APAGADO", deeply affects the poem as it signifies the death of de Anda's real grandmother, but she also relates it with the light of that generation and how it is now "turned off".

In "Finding Home", a poem written by Carolina Hospital, the narrator explores the loss of landscape. Her home is missed, but she is also getting used to America. The title itslef gives way to the idea that she is lost between two worlds, two homes.

Magdelena Gomez's "Mami", is about the relationship the narrator has with her mother. The constant code-switching embelishes the poem and gives the reader a visual of the existence of the mother that still exists within the narrator. "Curandera" by Pat Mora, pays homage to the "woman healer of latin america". It introduces the reader to the history of a curandera, which then guides us through her daily routine. The third stanza describes the curandera's talents, inspiration and reputation amongst the people. Serenity befalls the fourth stanza as the poem walks us through the curandera's nightly routine. Finally the fifth stanza, leaves the reader with the thought that she is one with earth, and that she follows the same routine as her surroundings.

Journal Prompt #2

"Our readings today dealt with many themes that most of us can relate to on some level: the feeling of being an outsider, especially an outsider in a place we had hoped or believed we might fit in; the search for identity through tracing one's roots or revisiting the past; the way immigration affects the generations of a family. Please choose one theme from our readings today.

In other words. could you relate to anything we have read?"

The closest connection I felt with our readings today was with with Rudolfo Anaya's "In Search of Epifano". The idea of searching for identity through revisiting the past resonates most with me. Growing up as a child, I was never one to look back and ask questions about the past, but I feel that the older I get, the more curious I am about where I come from. I often wish my roots could be traced via ancestry.com, but I know how impossible it must be to have my Mexican past, Indian or Spanish, archived in the internet. The best one can do is ask the eldest of the family, and even still, I feel like I often get a faded picture of what once was. The connection that the main character of "In Search for Epifano" had with her great-grandfather, Epifano, is something I believe we all wish we could have with our past, well, at least those of us who enjoy learning about our roots. One might ask oneself how is it that one's identity can be found through the exploration of our roots? I used to think that my identity would be found upon the future discoveries I would make along the course of my life, but how can one forget about the links that have made us who we are today? I like to think now that I can choose to take a bit of both- the future and the past. The past, I feel, makes one have a strong base of self-knowledge, while the future, provides a strong sense of direction.

"Go North, Young Man" Reading Journal

The trouble I have with Richard Rodriguez's "Go North, Young Man" is that I understand the essay itself, but not the ultimate message he's trying to get across. I get it when he writes that Mexicans will always be here and that Mexicans in Mexico view this abandonment as unforgivable. I get that "Americans" are afraid of the nation becoming "Mexican". I just don't get to whom he is referring to in the title. The American young man who wants to avoid Mexicans? Or the Mexican young man who wants a better life in the U.S.? I assume it could be both; both young men could be happy if they just migrate elsewhere, whether that's Vancouver, Alaska, or Southern California. With immigration being the main theme of his essay, there is a general feeling of loss, betrayal, ownership. Loss of land that we believe is ours, or loss of people and culture. Feelings of betrayal arise when one leaves a country, or when one betrays our own upbringing. Finally there is a sense of ownership that derives from a sense of power. The power that Spaniards and Mexicans once had over the U.S.. The power that the U.S. had when she obtained the Southwest. The power that the U.S. citizen feels he's now losing over the new-found power which Mexicans are re-experiencing.

"The Biggest City in the World" Reading Journal

Daniel Chacón's, "The Biggest City in the World" was very ambiguous to me in the sense that I feel like the author was trying to say  that Harvey Gomez became a Mexican at the end, but I don't feel like he did. In my opinion, there was a sense of dislocation within Harvey. He went to Mexico and was studying Mexican history, but I believe he more so did because he felt like he had to, not wanted to. I saw Harvey as very uptight with the real Mexican culture, because when it came down to him actually interacting with Mexicans, he seemed very pretentious and not willing to really embrace Mexico. The parallel is seen with Professor Rogstart and his true knowledge and love for the people and the culture. Although he was white, he didn't mind riding the metro or eating true Mexican food. To me, Harvey came off as a student who wanted to impress his Professor and who was ultimately afraid of his own past heritage. Even so, at the very end  when the taxi driver calls him  "Mexican", my honest interpretation is that Harvey only decided this because he had guilt and not true desire to truly connect with his people.

"In Search of Epifano" Reading Journal

Rudolfo Anaya writes about a woman in search of her identity, her roots. She's reached old age and has decided to go down to Mexico in search of her great-grandfather with whom she feels a strong connection. Her fulfillment is not necessarily with the "Mexican" culture per-say, but more with her Native ancestry. The title, "In Search of Epifano", is ironic, because Epifano is both her great-grandfather's name, as well as her ultimate epiphany- which is "epifano" in Spanish. Her epiphany is that through this connection of her past, she has come to find fulfillment at last- as if it were the missing link in her own soul.

"Our America" Reading Journal

José Martí's Our America shows the perspective of an educated and humanly compassionate Latino. He understands that although America has acted superior because of their education or politics, that the feeling of inferiority is ultimately up to Latinos to keep or not. Race is a perception depending on on how everyone views it. Not realizing that we are all equal will be the cause of endless struggles amongst America and neighboring countries.
I enjoyed reading an article written so long ago that is still so pertinent to current days. Th ideas people have of separation among one another depending on a variety of factors, is still a very prominent subject today. 

"The Squatter and the Don" Reading Journal

 

• Squatter: Someone who settles on land under government regulation in order to acquire title. (Dictionary.com)

The excerpt from The Squatter and the Don, written by Maria Ruiz de Burton, explored the idea of a U.S. citizen who opposed taking land away from someone else. Mrs. Darrell advises her husband Mr. Darrell, "the squatter", to think wisely before taking land away from someone who has done them no harm. While Mrs. Darrell has a compassionate soul, Mr. Darrell has a much proud persona as he states that any American land belongs to only U.S. citizens, because they "pay the government price for it". This is an interesting point of view, because one one hand, the reader is introduced to an American citizen who believes that it is his right to reside in U.S. land, no matter if others are already there. On the other hand, there is the advice of his wife, who is also an American citizen, and believes in being thoughtful and compassionate. This side is a point of view that is not seen very often in literature, or in real-life. As a Mexican-American myself, I tend to  not realize that that side exists.

Identity Journal Prompt #1

What cultural forces have shaped it?

• My identity has been shaped by both my family and their traditions as well as by the American influence around me. My family is Mexican, and although I believe we are not the stereotypical "culturally" Mexican family, we definitely differ from American families I've been around my whole life. There's the part of me that has been shaped by enchiladas, mariachi, and novelas, and the rest by hot dogs, MTV, and sitcoms.

With what group or groups do you identify? Why?

• I tend to identify with two kinds of groups. The Latinos whom, like me, also speak English and have Latino roots, and with most American people.

What about your identity are you most proud of?

• I'm really proud of the fact that I did grow up with both cultures, because it has allowed me to be all the more connected with both. My mind is open to approaching different types of people which in turn makes me more accepting; I am thankful for that.

Is there any part of your identity that makes you uncomfortable? Why?

• The only time that I may get uncomfortable about my identity is when I'm among people who aren't as accepting. That could mean Mexican people who are very excluding, or Americans who aren't as accepting to other cultures besides "white" American.